


Norwegian Wood

by Taeyongsgf



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, One Shot, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-08
Updated: 2019-03-07
Packaged: 2019-11-13 14:46:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18033692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taeyongsgf/pseuds/Taeyongsgf
Summary: "What the fuck, Cas." He felt like smashing the door close but he didn't do it. "We talked about this."Lucas was wasted. With a bottle of Jack Daniel's in his hand, stumbling over his own feet and barely able to greet Jungwoo properly, he was standing there, wordlessly asking to be let in...."I missed you."





	1. Chapter 1

"She asked me to stay and she told me to sit anywhere.

So I looked around and I noticed there wasn't a chair.

I sat on a rug, biding my time, drinking her wine.

We talked until two and then she said "It's time for bed."

She told me she worked in the morning and started to laugh.

I told her I didn't and crawled off to sleep in the bath.

And when I awoke I was alone.

This bird had flown. So I lit a fire.

Isn't it good. Norwegian wood"

 

The Beatles, Norwegian Wood

 

 

 

For Chris ♡ I'm late but happy birthday.


	2. Chapter 2

**1 You said you liked autumn the most because of the sound the leaves make when you step on them, but I still think spring is prettier.**

 

The doorbell rang twice, then two knocks followed. Lucas pushed Maya away. A little too harshly, he realized immediately. He gave her an apologizing smile that didn't carry any sincerity. "Guess, we gotta stop here. I'll call you later." He picked her red bra and her jeans up from the floor and threw her the clothes.

She seemed to be equally flabbergasted and annoyed. "You're sending me home? What the fuck? Who's outside? Your girlfriend? Are you cheating on her?"

He put on black sweats, made the bed as soon as she got up to get dressed. "No, just a friend. It's urgent. Don't be mad, babe." 

Obviously, she was mad. And obviously, he didn't really care. What he cared about though was finding out why Jungwoo was here. It wasn't his ex-boyfriend's first time knocking at his door at the most random hours, but it was long after midnight and the thought that Jungwoo might be in trouble caused Lucas to lose all pretenses of politeness. "Don't forget your jacket," he reminded Maya.

That too, she picked up from the floor - where their make-out session had begun - and left the bedroom, followed by Lucas. 

The room was back to its usual state: black and white furniture free of women's clothes and the minimalistic bedding folded neatly. It was an interior meant to impress one-night-stands and in Lucas' experience it never failed to do so.

This particular one-night-stand went wrong for different reasons. 

The reason stood there as Lucas' opened the door, as expected, looking quite disheveled and close to tears.

"I'll call you tomorrow," called Lucas after Maya. She bumped into Jungwoo - definitely on purpose -, but didn't look him in the eyes. On the way to the elevator she raised her middle finger. 

Lucas would definitely _not_ call her tomorrow.

The half-crying boy looked after her, then his gaze wandered to him. "Did she leave because-" he broke off. They both were well aware it was Jungwoo's knock, one that his ex-boyfriend would recognize anywhere, that caused the rushed departure.

The taller of the two - although only by inches - pulled Jungwoo in his arms, stroking his back like he'd done countless times before. "What's wrong? Did something happen with Jaehyun? Did you fight?" 

Mentioning his boyfriend's name was enough to make Jungwoo sob. He nodded, nose running along with his tears. 

Lucas led him inside, straight into the living room. 

When he'd moved in, he'd gone the extra step of consulting an interior designer. He'd spent hours explaining what exactly he envisioned. The theme was _modern elegance_ , the exact opposite of what his shared apartment with Jungwoo had looked like. Their home had been cozy, messy at times, furniture bought mostly second-hand. They'd moved together right after college and there hadn't been much money left to pay for the _inside_ of the apartment once they had the funding to rent one. 

The interior designer, Ten was his name, had spent weeks deciding what'd fit into Lucas' _future-millionaire_ theme.

He'd done his job a little too well. So well that Lucas could sometimes feel the loneliness destined to be the fate of most wealthy entrepreneurs already surrounding him like it was glued to his white carpet and the white curtains, although he was far from achieving _that_ level of success. At least he'd like to tell himself that his apartment's decor was the root of his sad evenings - not the absence of a certain someone. 

This was Jungwoo's third visit this month. His relationship with his (best-friend-turned-)lover seemed to go downhill and truthfully, Lucas wasn't too sad about it.

"I think he's cheating on me," cried Jungwoo into a tissue he'd taken from the table next to the white couch. He wrapped the fake sheep fur that lay on the massage chair around himself like a blanket. For a second, Lucas considered telling him that it was no blanket and shouldn't be used as one, but, afraid he'd sound condescending he didn't. Past-Jungwoo's angry voice, shouting at him how gross it was that he thought himself better than anyone else, rang in the back of his head in moments like this. 

"What makes you think that?" asked he, sat on the other couch. His voice sounded flat to his own ears. It wasn't that he didn't care - he'd break Jaehyun's nose if he seriously did such a thing to Jungwoo - but he was sure his ex was seeing ghosts where there were none, as he always did. 

"He keeps coming home late! Last week I found a shirt I'd never seen before in the laundry basket in his flat. He keeps getting phone calls and never tells me who's calling and-" He broke off, eyes filled with tears. "I'm scared." 

"Do you keep track of every single shirt he owns?" wondered Lucas. 

The other didn't reply. He interpreted his silence as a clear _yes._

He sighed, crossed his legs. It was a ridiculous assumption, he knew that, far-fetched and rooted in much deeper self-esteem issues, yet the other seemed convinced. "It's probably something else entirely. Not to be mean, but we both know you tend to be-" It took him a moment to find a word that was kinder than _paranoid_ , "-difficult when it comes to these matters." Had Jungwoo not been such a mess, Lucas would've added a few arguments proving his statement. After all, his ex-boyfriend's talent to ruin dinners and calm evenings with senseless accusations were one of the reasons they had fallen apart.

Somehow Jungwoo managed to scoff and sob at the same time. "It's different with him. You were always a dick. _He_ is very sweet."

" _Ouch_. Offense taken." He didn't mean it. Given all the insults he had heard from the other,  _dick_ could've been considered a compliment. "You should go home and talk to him. This is dumb. He's not cheating on you because you've found an ugly shirt in the laundry." Lucas turned the huge flat-screen TV on with a tiny black remote which was his way of saying that the conversation was over. An old episode of _The Simpsons_ played.

"We don't know that," protested Jungwoo's voice, suddenly tiny. The misery in his tone cut through Lucas like a blade.

He got up, walked into the open kitchen, began making himself coffee and Jungwoo hot chocolate. The container with the chocolate powder hadn't been touched since the boy's last visit and probably wouldn't be opened again until his next random appearance. Lucas only bought it for him. 

"Okay, even if there is the slightest possibility you're right, what exactly do you want me to do? Go beat him up?"

Both of them were very aware that he wasn't kidding. Memories of a 3am bar fight with a stranger who had talked to Jungwoo in a way that Lucas didn't particularly like hung in the air threateningly. That shared memory was the reason Jungwoo hurriedly said, "No. That's not- That's not why I'm here. I don't know. I needed someone to talk with and you were the first person I could think of." 

Too often had the two played this game to pretend it was a one-time thing. There seemed to be a compass in each boy's heart, always leading back to the other.

They had met in college, at a party which they both didn't remember arriving at the next day, that's how drunk they'd been, and had slept together four hours after they'd said _hi_ the first time. They didn't remember much of their first encounter, only that Lucas ended up vomiting into Jungwoo's backpack the next morning. He'd been incredibly embarrassed and had promised Jungwoo a new bag instantly. In less than 24 hours he had delivered the exact same model of backpack in front of Jungwoo's dorm - with a note saying they had a date that night. Lucas hadn't asked him out, he'd simply told him where to meet for dinner. Something about his unshakable confidence and the smugness in his smile enchanted Jungwoo. 

However, every spell breaks, and five years later the magic was replaced with fights over nothing and loneliness in company. Since their final breakup over a year had passed.

At first, they had avoided each other, had gone as far as not going to places where they assumed the other to be. But, when Lucas knocked on Jungwoo's window at dawn, four months after they'd parted, Jungwoo had let him in (only through the window though to watch him suffer while he climbed in completely wasted and barely able to stand on his feet). 

In hindsight, it hadn't been Lucas' proudest moment. He'd had a nice business dinner with his employees, they'd celebrated the opening of the second restaurant, and, for some reason, one that he still couldn't figure out, the cute waiter reminded him of his ex-boyfriend. 

He never told Jungwoo why he'd gotten that drunk that night. It had been because of the boy with the soft features and the fluffy black hair: He'd somehow carried the image of a stranger in his expression and that image made him crawl back four months later, begging for a second chance, only to be coldly rejected.

Rejected, but taken in and taken care of - and that cycle still continued.

"Do you want donuts?" asked Lucas politely. The fridge was filled with fresh fruits and pre-cooked meals, however, he knew the other preferred sugary treats whenever he was down. 

"No, just get back here."

He came back with a black tray, carrying hot chocolate and coffee in white cups with black spoons. 

"Whipped cream?" 

Jungwoo shook his head. This time Lucas sat down next to him, not on the other couch. And this time he pulled the fake sheep fur from the boy's shoulders with a sigh and replaced it with a white blanket which he pulled out from under the couch.

"Thanks," hiccuped the smaller one, snuggling against Lucas' arm. 

He looked down at the head leaning against his shoulder. He'd missed the pretty face. 

Jungwoo was handsome in a way that was hard to grasp because it was so unique. With a smile like summer afternoons and eyes that evoked the same emotions as adorable puppies, it was hard to dislike him. The boy knew of his own looks, yet he wasn't one to flaunt them, not in the way that Lucas did. He'd learned to use his innocent gaze for his own advantage, was aware of the effect his sweet giggle could have on his lovers. That was something Lucas had come to learn in the past six years: Jungwoo was much, much more than meets the eye.

"Give me the remote," ordered Jungwoo, hand stretched out. Lucas did as told. He'd been too busy watching Jungwoo to notice that the episode was over and now some boring casting show was on. After a two-minute discussion, they agreed on watching _We Bare Bears._

"You look like the Panda," teased Lucas the boy who could barely keep his eyes open.

"You're Grizzly then."

He didn't answer. He knew Jungwoo had fallen asleep by the way his body relied on his for support. Not long after, the pretty head fell into Lucas' lap. "Well, fuck," he thought. He put a cushion beneath the blonde hair for safety measures - his own safety. 

Not having the heart to wake the sleeping one, he put the TV on mute and turned on Netflix to binge-watch a show with subtitles. 

Sleep only embraced Jungwoo that night.

 

**2 Winter has been too long and too cold, leaving us frozen and unable to move forward.**

 

"It would've been our 7th anniversary today. We have to do something fun! Let's not be bitter exes. We're better than that."

Lucas wiped the sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand. Even his apron was damp. He put the phone down and shouted, "Can whoever is in charge of taking the bread out the oven go do their job before the whole building burns down?" The smoke leaking through the closed oven door certainly wasn't a sight he appreciated. Immediately, two young women ran towards the corner, handled the burnt loaves with terrified faces. 

"Look, Jungwoo." He walked out the kitchen through the backdoor, stepped into the alley. "I told you twice already. I don't have time today."

The cold evening air caressed his face, the silence outside shielded him from the mess inside. It was _his_ mess, though, which made up for the stress.

He heard his ex-boyfriend sigh on the other end of the line. He could imagine his exhausted expression, like this conversation was a joke and Lucas had once again missed the punchline. "What's the use of _owning_ restaurants if you can't even give yourself a night off? You're not doing the owner thing right, Wong."

Much crueler than he'd expected, he heard his own voice bark, "And what makes you think _you_ could give _me_ advice?"

Silence occupied both sides of the call until Jungwoo snarled a brief "Fuck you."

He didn't mean to be a dick to Jungwoo, it was a mix of working since 7 in the morning, the damn burnt loaves, the twelve orders for tomorrow, the cash missing from the register for the second time this week and the fact that today would've been their seventh anniversary - in another dimension.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean that." His tone was much softer now, "You're right. I could use a night off. I'll be at yours in an hour. What did you have in mind for our-" His voice broke, but he covered it up with forced coughing, "-non-anniversary?"

"I don't care. Let's get coffee or something. If that's good enough for you." Jungwoo was obviously still pissed. 

Lucas would make it up to him later. There was nothing good tiramisu couldn't fix, especially when it came to the boy with the Snoopy smile.

"You're still living in our old flat, right?"  He hadn't been there for almost a year. The thought of going back there, going back to the place he once called _home_ when it wasn't _his_ home anymore ripped wounds open which he didn't even remember having.

"Yes," answered Jungwoo quietly.

 

It always seemed strange to Lucas how every home had a particular, unique smell. His parents' house was filled with the scent of coconut and his mother's cooking, in his own apartment lemon floor cleaner and _Dior Fahrenheit_ hung in the air. When he opened the door to Jungwoo's apartment it was the same sugary vanilla scent that greeted him which had also accompanied his final "I'll come pick my stuff up tomorrow. I'll leave the keys under the doormat." He inhaled the air, heavy with his ex's essential oils, not knowing when he'd smell it again or when he would be back. Back _home_. Maybe one day he would stop associating the idea of _home_  with the wrong person.

"Geez, you really could've changed the photographs. They're so old-fashioned." Lucas hadn't taken his shoes off yet but was already busy criticizing Jungwoo's choice of decor. 

Jungwoo took the box from him. His expression switched from slightly pissed to very happy the second he saw the content of the black box with the world _Lucas_ written on it in golden letters. With a deadly smile, he shot back, "Not everyone wants their apartment to look like a hospital room."

Lucas threw his jacket on the wooden bench next to the door. "I call that _appreciating empty spaces_."

The hallway still looked the way it did when he'd visited the last time. 

The photographs he'd referred to were two black and white shots, one of Seoul's downtown by night and the other of the full moon. Johnny, a friend of Jungwoo's, had taken them and had given the two boys the pictures at their house-warming party. Although Lucas would never put them up in his own apartment, definitely not with those _brown_ frames, he had to admit they were beautiful in a one-of-a-kind way. 

The smaller disappeared into the kitchen with the box. "I call it _being a hipster._ " Lucas could hear him taking out cutlery. A mop of blonde hair appeared in the door frame seconds later. "Wait, can you enter the kitchen or do I have to declutter first?"

"Give me the cake back."

 

Jaehyun and Jungwoo's relationship had been"put on pause" Jungwoo confessed. "We're taking some time off," he explained. "Living our lives, seeing how things work out. The past months weren't easy."

The two had moved from the kitchen to the living room after their second glass of cheap wine and their third slice of tiramisu. All plans for the night had been thrown out the window the second Jungwoo had found an old bottle of red wine in the cupboard.

"So, you've broken up?" asked Lucas confused, not understanding the logic behind it.

Jungwoo spread over the dark red couch, feet dangling down. He was surrounded by at least eight pillows, all of them different colors. Two blankets were draped over the couch, another one on the armchair Lucas was sitting on. The small room was packed with things: vintage typewriter, a laptop next to it, a bunch of books, which Lucas noticed had never been touched (the spines weren't cracked and some of them were still wrapped in transparent covers), boxes of chocolate and magazines covered every free space. 

"I don't know. Sort of. I don't really want to think about it," Jungwoo's blonde hair bounced back as he leaned his head against the couch. The white button-up he wore was a little too big on him and showed more wrinkles than Lucas' had ever seen in Jungwoo's usually neatly ironed dress shirts. "He must've gotten ready in a hurry," thought Lucas, "Or he didn't care enough to change into something different after work."

For two years now, Jungwoo had been working at a museum. At first he didn't do much besides standard office jobs; but with time - and relentless hard work - he was given more opportunities to do things that were actually fun, like organizing days for primary school classes to visit and planning activities for the kids who were still impressed by every little thing he could offer to show them. His ex, surrounded by second grades, excitedly asking him dozens of questions about the exhibition, was one of the most precious memories Lucas had taken from their relationship. He never got over the light in Jungwoo's eyes he witnessed that day. 

"Was it his decision or yours?" he asked after staring at the skin of the other's neck for way too long.

Mindlessly, Jungwoo undid the first button of his shirt as if he'd read his ex-boyfriend's thoughts. "Both of us. Kind of. It was messy." 

"Doesn't sound mutual."

A shrug. "It is what it is."

Jaehyun's absence explained Jungwoo's need for attention. Tonight wasn't him wanting to celebrate their anniversary, Lucas realized, it was his attempt of escaping his loneliness. 

Lucas was Jungwoo's band-aid and Jungwoo was his. But what use was a band-aid on a broken leg?

Jungwoo poured himself another glass of wine. Drunkenness seemed the next goal. 

"I should go," said Lucas, getting up slowly. If he didn't leave, he'd regret whatever would come next tomorrow morning. Or if he didn't, Jungwoo would. 

The one on the couch whined, "Don't go." The effects of wine were drawn on his pretty face. "Don't go! Did I fuck up the mood? I'm sorry I brought up Jaehyun."

It was difficult leaving him with his cheeks scarlet and his shirt exposing too much of his collarbones. 

"No, that's not it. I'm tired and I have to be up early tomorrow. Seriously, I should leave," said Lucas, yet he didn't move. He was standing frozen between a dusty telescope and the door. 

"Sleep with me!" suggested Jungwoo. He narrowed his eyebrows at his own words, feigning embarrassment. " _Oh._ That's not what I meant." Everyone else would've believed his innocently fluttering eyelashes but Lucas had experienced the angelic face playing with his sanity too many times. His ex had just played his first card.

" _Oh_?" replied Lucas. Throwing all boundaries overboard as he walked towards him with a mischievous smile and hands that hadn't tugged on blonde hair for too long. "Why do I feel like you said that on purpose?"

Red wine and heartache never made smart decisions.

It was Jungwoo who kissed him first, but it was Lucas who ripped the white shirt open. He wasn't driven by rationality or he would've left right then. This wasn't meant to last. This was two people drowning with each other and enjoying it.

 

After Jungwoo had moaned Lucas' name more times than he could count, he'd turned to face him, his eyes pleading for him to say _no_ to whatever it was he was about to ask. "Is this cheating?"

Lucas ran his fingers down the other's spine, left a trail of kisses on his neck. "Is he seeing someone else?"

"I think so." Jungwoo arched his back in pleasure, frustratingly sensual sounds leaving his wet lips with every touch. He was exhausted and glowing but his eyes didn't meet Lucas'. 

To Lucas the smaller one's body felt like _home_ the same way being touched by him felt like _coming home_. The physical contact fed memories, memories which were imprinted on both their bodies, engraved in their movements. They had their own rhythm, one they had found over the span of five years and many sleepless nights. 

"Then no," mumbled the younger into the crook of Jungwoo's neck.

He had missed him on a physical level too, he'd realized. He'd missed the way the other's back curved so easily against his stomach and how his nails dug into his own back when he was just about to come. But, more than anything else, he'd missed holding the small hands in his.

Lucas tried to memorize all of it: the feeling of Jungwoo's skin on his, the warmth of his body, the red wine stains on his shirt, the way his blonde hair moved every time he turned to kiss him. This could be their last time giving in. He buried his nose in soft gold strands and wondered how his whole world could fit between two arms.

 

**3 Seasons change, and the cycle of death and rebirth never stops, but I hope what I found in you will still be here next winter.**

 

Jungwoo hadn't seen Lucas in six months. They had kept up with each other through texts and sporadic phone calls, just enough to know what's going on in the other's life, however, not enough to get used to the other's voice whispering "Good night."

Lucas banging against Jungwoo's door at four in the morning certainly wasn't something he should've expected, yet he wasn't utterly shocked. He knew it was Lucas before he checked his phone to see the eight missed calls. Curses fell from his lips as he rolled out the bed. 

"Who the fuck is that?" groaned the man curled up in the blanket next to him. Curly black hair and sleepy eyes looked at Jungwoo accusingly. 

Jungwoo leaned over, kissed his forehead. "Be right back, Yeol. It's nothing." 

He closed the bedroom door on his way out and hoped his boyfriend wouldn't wake up again.

It wasn't _exactly_ nothing.

"What the fuck, Cas." He felt like smashing the door close but he didn't do it. "We talked about this."

Lucas was wasted. With a bottle of Jack Daniel's in his hand, stumbling over his own feet and barely able to greet Jungwoo properly, he was standing there, wordlessly asking to be let in. It was much too cold to not be wearing a coat, so Jungwoo assumed he'd left it at whatever bar he'd been at. The black dress shirt Lucas wore was covered in white stains and his pants ripped - not in a fashion-statement way, in a 'he fell twice on his way here' kind of way.

"I missed you." The growl didn't seem to be coming from the alcohol stained lips. It was a deeper replica of the comforting, deep voice, one overwhelmed with all he didn't dare to say sober.

Although he was displeased by the unannounced visit, Jungwoo opened his arms to pull him into a hug. "What's wrong?"

They had talked about _this_. 

Jungwoo had repeated to Lucas most of Jaehyun's words, words which he had said after Jungwoo had come home once again long after the sun was up. That day too, he'd come back to Jaehyun with Lucas' scent in the fabric of his clothes. 

"I don't think there'll ever be space for anyone in your life except Lucas. Not when he's always your first priority, your emergency number and definitely not when he keeps appearing out of nowhere all the fucking time. I don't want to compete with him, Woo." Jaehyun hadn't raised his voice once, which had made it much worse. "I hope you understand that. I don't want to be in a relationship with someone and still always feel like their second choice."

There was nothing he could say to make it better. Jungwoo knew Jaehyun was right. His home would always be Lucas' too, his door would always be wide open for him. The day Jaehyun left him he'd wondered if he'd been wrong all along, wondered if he should've given Lucas the last chance he'd asked for years ago. 

Back then he'd said no without hesitation. The agonizing feeling of falling asleep alone and waking up alone had still been so very fresh. Being lonely in company was poison he wasn't willing to drink anymore. Besides, he knew better than to trust a drunk man's words. 

Now sometimes doubt fell over him when he saw the five letters displayed on his phone's screen, but it was washed away by the knowledge that Lucas was over him. He only had space for one thing in his life and that was work.

The day after Jaehyun had left, Lucas had promised not to show up anymore without an invitation or at least a warning in the form of a phone call - another broken promise to be added to Jungwoo's list.

Gently, Jungwoo pulled him inside the bathroom, made him sit on the toilet cover. He poured the whiskey down the sink. Lucas leaned against the wall, eyes closed. He appeared unconscious, except for when his eyelashes fluttered and his gaze focused on Jungwoo's movements.

"You smell disgusting," mumbled the smaller. He sat down between his ex-boyfriend's legs, unbuttoned his shirt. "I've already lost Jaehyun because of this. Don't drive Chanyeol away too." 

"Sorry," hiccuped Lucas. 

Jungwoo was surprised he was conscious enough to follow his words. "You need to stop drinking, Cas." He took Lucas' shirt off, threw it in the laundry basket. His hands ran over the other's shoulders, down his toned torso. In another life, the skin still would be his to kiss. In this life, he pulled his hands away and sighed.

He got up, only to sit down again on Lucas' thighs. "If you don't stop, I won't talk to you anymore. I'm serious." Cradling him soothingly, he continued, "You need to put an end to this. Promise me this won't happen again."

Lucas buried his face in Jungwoo's chest, nodding. Tears formed little warm, wet patches on his shirt as he continued running his fingers through Lucas' soft hair.

 

Somehow, maybe because he'd met Lucas in a state just as drunk as tonight, everything reminded him of their first night together - or rather the morning after since there wasn't much to remember of their first encounter. 

Seven and a half years had passed.

Their relationship had been difficult from the beginning: Lucas had a thing for flirting with people he most definitely shouldn't be flirting with and Jungwoo had a tendency of getting too clingy and needy at all the wrong times. 

Nonetheless, the first year had been a dream. It had been everything Jungwoo had ever dreamed off. Their connection was different from the start, their chemistry one in a million. Lucas liked all the ugly things about him and he learned to befriend the handsome boy's demons.

They moved together after college, into a single-bedroom apartment with a tiny living room. It wasn't much but it was their home.

Five years later, they had split and gotten back together over a dozen times. 

The last year of their relationship was the hardest. Lucas had grown cold and had become too ambitious for Jungwoo to keep up with and Jungwoo was always starving for affection. Cruelly, life had made them grow apart, had given them incompatible ideas of their futures. 

There was no turning back. Too many empty promises, too many shattered plates had taught the two that nothing is as bad as shared loneliness. 

Their final fight was over Lucas forgetting Jungwoo's birthday and instead meeting one of his acquaintances who'd unsuccessfully been trying to get into his pants for months. Justifying himself, when coming home to a crying Jungwoo, Lucas claimed, he'd only met the guy for the _advantages,_ business benefits basically, and that nothing had happened between them. It was the idea that the guy still had a chance with him that Lucas had to keep up for his plans to work. 

Jungwoo couldn't have cared less about his reasoning. He'd called him a spineless, honorless prostitute and kicked him out the same night.

His birthday was the day they'd parted ways and every year he relived the memories as he sat on the couch and stared at the door through which Lucas had left.

 

When Lucas calmed down Jungwoo undressed him. He pulled him into the bathtub filled to the brim with hot water while he himself sat on the floor. Small hands massaged vanilla scented shampoo into dark brown hair.

"I lost fifty-thousand dollars today." Lucas rested his cheek on his knees as Jungwoo spread shower gel on his back.

"Shit happens," replied the blonde, his knuckles massaging tense muscles. "It's not the end of the world. You can't get drunk every time you invest in the wrong company. It's just fucking stocks, Cas. That's basically gambling. But this- This will ruin your liver." He washed the foam off Lucas' chest, wiped away the soapy bubbles that had gotten too close to thick eyelashes. "And me."

Slowly, Lucas pulled Jungwoo close by his neck, wet hand leaving trails of water on the boy's back. Water drops ran down his spine; loose shirt doing a horrible job catching the soapy fluid in its fabric.

Lucas' forehead met Jungwoo's. His breath smelled like alcohol, his face of vanilla. "I'm sorry. I don't want to hurt you."

"I know."

He helped Lucas dry himself with a big towel, found him a set of clothes which he'd fit in - he made sure the clothes were his and not Chanyeol's - and set up a bed for him on the couch. 

The sun was leaking through closed curtains by the time Lucas lay down.

"Sleep well." Jungwoo kissed his forehead good-night. 

There was a tiny smile hiding in the corners of the sleeping boy's lips when he closed the living room door.

 

Chanyeol broke up with him a week later. The second guy in his life to leave him because of Lucas.

 

**4 Maybe we've built castles of ice just to watch them melt.**

 

"You can't buy the fucking apartment." Jungwoo sounded furious. He's kept stuttering, words barely audible over the phone. 

Lucas was in bed, watching a sitcom on the flat-screen TV, waiting for the man in the shower to come back. He'd unfortunately forgotten his name, although he was quite the beauty. Two weeks ago he'd hired him. The stranger seemed to have all the right qualifications along with hair that was dyed shades of blonde and full lips that turned into a heart whenever he smiled.

He turned onto his stomach, face hiding in the black silk pillowcase. "Why not? You're moving out anyway." His voice came out muffled, yet apparently clear enough for Jungwoo to understand.

There was a sharp inhale on the other end of the line. "You won't live here. What do you need the apartment for?"

"Why do you care? I wanna keep it. That's it. It's not like it has anything to do with you." 

That, they both knew, was a lie. Jungwoo's presence was sewn in the fabric of the couch, was engraved in the walls, reflected in the mirrors. The shadow of him would be in that apartment until the building was torn down and rebuild. 

"Lucas Wong. It has _everything_ to do with me. I've lived here the past eight years. This has been my fucking home for eight years. And now that I wanna move in with Jaehyun, you suddenly decide to buy - not just _rent_ , but to _buy_ \- this place. Why?" 

Lucas couldn't find the reasoning behind his ex-boyfriend's anger. Sure, he had a lot of memories in that apartment but he was going to move out anyway. Why did it bother him so much that he'd be the next owner? If it had been a stranger he would have been fine with it. It didn't make sense to him.

For Lucas himself, though, it was a different matter. With Jungwoo's and Jaehyun's wedding now only months away he wanted to hold on to the last piece of Jungwoo he could get his hands on - even if he had to buy it. Of course, he'd never say that out loud.

"I've always thought it had its own special charm. You know, maybe I'll buy the whole building. I'm not sure yet. It's a pretty good neighborhood."

"Fuck off." Jungwoo hung up on him.

 

For months they hadn't talked properly. Their conversations consisted of guarded small-talk, meaningless text messages. The day Jaehyun walked into Jungwoo's life again was the day Jungwoo decided that there was no space for Lucas anymore. He'd gone so far as to change his number and that was a slap in the face for the prideful Lucas. 

In his opinion, everything was Jaehyun's fault. He'd never thought very highly of him. 

They had met twice at gatherings which Lucas couldn't remember the occasions for and both times he'd clenched his teeth at the guy's cheesiness, his old-fashioned manners. Even the way he put his arm around Jungwoo's shoulder seemed unacceptable like their bodies were wrong puzzle pieces smashed into each other by force.

No. Somewhere deep inside, he knew this wasn't about Jaehyun not being good enough for Jungwoo. It was that _no one_ was good enough for Jungwoo. Not even Lucas himself. 

But now Jungwoo had said _yes_ and wore a stupid cheap engagement ring around his finger and all hopes of a future together had been beaten out of Lucas. 

 

The pretty guy came out the shower, naked and shameless. This wasn't a typical one-night-stand, this was a 'I expect a pay raise in the next two weeks' and Lucas was well aware of it.

"Can I?" asked the nameless one as he gestured towards the empty side of the bed. 

Lucas shrugged, "Sure."

They'd go for a second round and later he would send him home, would hand him the money for the taxi too - but not before checking his ID to find out his name. For now, he called him _Snoopy_ \- a recycled nickname but a cute one nonetheless. 

 

**5 Spring has come.**

 

It was the eighth of August. It was the day Jaehyun and Jungwoo would exchange vows. 

Two months ago Lucas had found the invitation between the letters on his desk. The creme colored envelope was covered in doves, the writing was silver. In his opinion, it was a manifestation of bad taste. He'd skimmed through it and threw it into the bin right after. Yet, the date had already tattooed itself on the insides of his eyelids where it shone for him in silver numbers every time he closed his eyes.

He made sure to have a busy day ahead: he'd take care of the deliveries in two of his restaurants, then he'd meet his accountant and later he'd have lunch with his financial advisor. His sight was set on two buildings downtown and he'd been playing with the numbers in his head all week, wondering if he could make the deal work. Everything just to distract himself from the truth biting into his flesh like a painful parasite: in a few hours Jungwoo would utter "I do" to someone else.

"Lana, tell table seven their meal is on the house. Bring them champagne too. And be _very_ kind," he ordered.

The tiny girl in the black uniform nodded, hurried to follow her boss' instructions.

He walked by table seven on purpose, shook the man's hand on his way to the kitchen. The old man was the relative of someone Lucas had been negotiating with for weeks. He wanted a third of a certain company, one that, according to his observations, would triple its assets in the next two years. 

At this point, he could barely keep track of the contracts he had yet to sign and the transactions waiting to be made.

Not even having reached the age of 30, he had already achieved more than anyone would've ever believed him to achieve: five restaurants under his name, two buildings he could call his property and more money in his bank account than he could spend. Well, it wasn't like he had much time to spend it. Every day he woke up alone at 5 in the morning and went to work until he fell asleep in solitude before midnight, the only reliable companion in his life being his phone. Funny how he'd gotten everything he'd wanted but not the one thing he needed.

As he stepped into his office upstairs his mind wandered back almost a decade; back to memories of his first date with Jungwoo: how cute he'd looked, how shy he'd been, how awkwardly he'd dipped his fries in his milkshake. That was long before Lucas had known all his weird quirks and bad habits - long before he'd learned to love them unconditionally.

He looked over the paperwork piling up. Nothing out of the ordinary. He leaned back in his chair, threw the papers on his desk. He couldn't focus. 

While he checked his phone, scrolled through apps to distract himself, he saw something on his feed that hurt. It hurt in a way so intense and so torturous that for a split second he thought he might either suffer a stroke or throw up. 

But nothing happened. 

His eyes were glued to Jungwoo and Jaehyun in black suits, to their euphoric faces and their perfect smiles. Jungwoo looked gorgeous. Way too beautiful, in Lucas' opinion, to be stuck in a museum with Jaehyun. Who got married in a damn museum? Jungwoo deserved a palace. 

It shouldn't have been Jaehyun. It shouldn't have been.

He threw his phone against the wall and watched the screen shatter. It was a mess of glass and plastic when it hit the ground. 

"Fuck," groaned Lucas, realizing he'd smashed his calendar into pieces. A calendar on which his life depended.

He wrote a mail to one of his most trustworthy employees, asking him to deliver a new iPhone to his office within the next hour. The instant reply wasn't surprising. 'I'll be there in forty minutes" read the message.

The knock on the door, on the other hand, was quite a surprise, as everyone working for him knew better than to bother him when he was upstairs.

"What?" growled he, "Is the building on fire? That's the-" 

Lana opened the door, fear written on her face. "I'm so, so sorry. It's-"

Lucas raised his eyebrows, waiting for her to finally speak.

"There's a man asking for you. He's crying and very, very upset and I think something is wrong with him. I told him you don't want to be disturbed but-"

He'd run downstairs before she finished the sentence. He knew it was _him_ before he reached the end of the staircase, before he'd walked through the hallway leading to the restaurant.

Standing next to the kitchen door was the person he'd seen minutes ago on a picture. He was wearing the exact same outfit, the same hair - only was he now bawling his eyes out. Jungwoo was still holding a beautiful bouquet in his hands, although presently it looked quite out of place. 

"What the fuck are you doing here?" asked Lucas, pulling him away from the piercing gazes, right into the hallway. "Did Jaehyun do something? I swear I'm gonna fuck him up. What happened?"

The sobbing one wiped away his tears, shook his head. "He- He didn't. I did. I ran."

The whole world fell apart under Lucas' black derby shoes. "You _ran_?"

"I ran," repeated Jungwoo. "I ran." He wasn't talking to the other anymore, he was continuously mumbling the words to himself as if trying to process his actions.

Dumbfounded, Lucas addressed the main question. "Why did you run away?"

Tears rolled down the scarlet cheeks as he said the words Lucas had dreamed of hearing.

"Because I can't get married if it's not you standing next to me. I love you, Lucas." He spoke between sobs, spoke into a hand held up in front of his face to hide his ugly crying, "I've always loved you. A life without you - Imagining never seeing you again terrifies me. It's always been you. Only you."

Despite it being much better to hear the words in real life and not in his daydreams, Lucas couldn't keep himself from inquiring, "And it took you... till your wedding day to figure that out?"

Jungwoo hit his head with the bouquet - gently, but hard enough for Lucas to flinch. "It wasn't until I- Until I saw everyone, until I saw the rings- The rings-" He burst into tears again, unable to speak.

The taller pulled him into his arms, made calming  _shhh_ -sounds while rubbing his back. "Were they _that_ cheap?"

"Shut up," laughed Jungwoo through tears. He took a deep breath and said, "Run away with me, Cas. I need to leave. I need to leave this town. I need to go somewhere else. Just for a month until everything calms down. Will you come with me?"

Immediately lists filled with things to cross off, appointments to go to and contracts to read dominated Lucas' thoughts. A month could ruin him. Disappearing for a month could set him back three years. He wasn't prepared for this. He didn't even have a phone.

Apparently, Jungwoo read his answer off his face. "Okay. I guess, once again, this," he waved his hand in a circular motion, "is more important than us." The disappointment in his voice was thick but what hit Lucas harder was how unsurprised he appeared to be. It was as if a part of him had expected Lucas to say _no_ , had expected this to be a waste of time. 

He turned to leave. Lucas pulled him back by his wrist. The bouquet dropped to the floor.

"Give me one minute. I'll go get my credit cards." Before he ran upstairs, he asked, "First, do you have your passport with you?" 

Jungwoo shook his head. "It's at home." He specified, "Our old apartment.

Lucas made a mental note to stop there on the way to the airport.

"Second, is Norway far away enough?"

 

The view through the airplane window was magnificent. Burgundy and lavender had dyed the sky, the clouds beneath them looked like cotton candy. It had taken Lucas and Jungwoo six hours to get their passports, get to the airport and into a plane. They had escaped and were on their way to a first-class hotel in the depths of Norwegian woods.

"Lucas?" mumbled the one sitting in the seat next to his. Their seats were quite a bit apart, as they were flying first class. Preferably, Lucas would've booked a suite. But, unfortunately, this was all the airline had to offer last-minute.

He watched Jungwoo, who in turn was looking down at their interwoven fingers, his lips pressed into a straight line.

"Yes?" 

Jungwoo was pouting, definitely on purpose, since he knew the impact his cute little pout had on Lucas. "You didn't say it back."

He was lost once again. "What?"

"When I said _I love you_ before... You didn't say it back."

A chuckle left Lucas' lips, he raised his eyebrows. "Are you serious right now?" He turned around to check if any of the old men sitting in the back were paying attention to them. However, they were too busy staring at their phones to notice the world around them. 

"Of course I love you. I've never stopped loving you from the day I first met you. You hopped in and out so many relationships and every time I felt like an idiot for not being able to get over you." He shrugged, smiled sheepishly. "The thing is: You are my only definition of love. You're what I think of when I hear the word _love_. You've been _love_ for me for almost a decade and you'll be my only definition of love until I'm rotting away. Okay?"

Puppy eyes filled with tears. Jungwoo nodded, fell back in his seat as if he'd been hit by an arrow.

Lucas had been waiting for the right moment to say those words for years. He had kept them in the back of his throat, hidden under his tongue, had rewritten them and deconstructed every syllable. Now that he had said them out loud, he was disappointed. They sounded weak compared to what he harbored inside his chest. But he knew he'd have many more opportunities to find the right words. That was all that mattered. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always a big thank you to everyone for their support!  
> If you saw any grammar mistakes and so on I'm sorry English isn't my native language   
> You can find me on twitter: xuxigalaxy  
> ♡♡♡


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